#114 BREAK ME OFF A PIECE

🚨STICKS OF BUTTER, KITKAT HEISTS, & THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY IN HISTORY!🚨

This week on The Pour Choices Show, we try to figure out if April 15th is secretly the most important day to ever exist… and somehow end up talking about stolen candy, pocket watches, gas prices, and why “bi-weekly” is a word that should’ve been stopped at the border.

We kick things off with a breakdown of some of the biggest historical events to ever happen on this day: Lincoln’s assassination, the Titanic sinking, Jackie Robinson changing baseball forever, insulin becoming available, and even the first McDonald’s opening. So naturally, we ask the question no historian has dared to ask… is this the GOAT date in history?

From there, things get appropriately stupid.

We uncover why jeans have that tiny useless pocket, which leads to a story about buying a pocket watch off the side of a highway like a 10-year-old with no survival instincts.

Then the real chaos kicks in:

• The absolute strangest place you could find a stick of butter
• Whether “bi-weekly” means twice a week or once every two weeks (and why everyone is wrong)
• Guessing prices from 1989 and realizing inflation is a scam
• Complaining about gas prices like responsible adults
• Try Not To Laugh (and fail immediately)

We also touch on sports chaos, including Tiger Woods headlines and what Masters champions actually win, before diving into games like Guess Who and Guess the Movie from a single word… which goes about as well as you’d expect.

We wrap things up with AskReddit questions about what society pretends is normal and the most unhinged requests people have received doing OnlyFans… and yeah, it gets weird.

It’s history, weird news, dumb games, economic complaints, and two guys connecting dots that absolutely don’t need to be connected.

If you like comedy podcasts with chaotic energy, random knowledge, ridiculous hypotheticals, and conversations that go from the Titanic to butter placement in under five minutes… you’re in the right place.

👇 WATCH NOW BEFORE YOU REALIZE APRIL 15TH IS CURSED 👇

Chapters 

00:00 – INTRO
3:19 – IS TODAY THE MOST SIGNIFICANT DAY EVER?
7:42 – HIGHWAY ROBBERY
9:42 – STRANGEST PLACE TO FIND A STICK OF BUTTER
12:10 – IS BI-WEEKLY TWICE A WEEK OR ONCE EVERY TWO WEEKS?
14:45 – GUESS THE PRICES FROM 1989
20:35 – COMPLAINING ABOUT GAS PRICES
25:21 – TRY NOT TO LAUGH
30:35 – JUST D.U.I. IT
32:00 – WHAT DO MASTERS CHAMPIONS WIN?
37:51 – GUESS WHO?
53:21 – GUESS THE MOVIE FROM THE WORD
59:14 – “FROM” ON PRIME VIDEO
1:03:22 – THIS WEEK’S POUR CHOICES
1:07:44 – ASK REDDIT: WHAT’S SOCIALLY ACCEPTED BUT INSANE? 
1:15:54 – ASK REDDIT: MOST UNHINGED ONLYFANS REQUESTS
1:20:41 – HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
1:22:24 – OUTRO

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Transcript

0:00

I'm speed test for my lap, my lappy. Oh, now you're good again. oh Yeah, that was different. I can tell you it's definitely playing with my speeds. What? What does that mean? My download speed is at 153 and my upload is at like 15. Well, at least I'm clearer to you. That's a good sign. can see ya, that's good. Now I can see you're wearing a USA shirt, you're wearing an Oakley hat. I can see stuff. The rain is gone. I can see clear. There you go. Before we start, did you hear about the KitKat heist? Really? It was like a week or two ago. This is a real story. KitKat put out a official statement that said, can confirm that 12 tons of KitKat products were stolen while in transit between our factory in central Italy and their destination in Poland. We are working closely with local authorities and supply chain partners to investigate. The good news, there are no concerns for consumer safety and supply is not affected. Thank you. What are you going to do with over 25,000 pounds of KitKat products? What are you going do with that? but they had fun with PR and a lot of other companies had fun with them. Like tweeting out official statements, like Pizza Hut said, official statement just got back from Italy where we attended a very serious innovation conference regarding stuffed crust pizza, hot dogs only relax. Thank you for your attention in this matter. had to be an inside job. Somebody at KitKat had to have. DoorDash uh released an official statement that says, hey guys, DoorDash here. Due to a completely random packaging error, we have 12 tons of KitKats in our Dashmarts that we can't sell. The good news, all you have to do is go to your DoorDash app and add like 500 to 600 KitKats to your cart and this should resolve itself quickly. Thank you. um It would have been funny though if it did have a huge impact on their supply and demand and like KitKat prices went up for like a week. That'd be really funny. be like gas prices. be really funny. Domino's released an official statement that said, would like to share our thoughts and condolences with KitKat following their recent sad news. On a completely unrelated note, we're pleased to announce we'll now be selling a new KitKat pizza. Mm-hmm. So I'll draw on them. The other, uh, got a couple more. The only other really funny one was, uh, Denny's released, released an official statement. said, we would like to make one thing clear. Whatever happened to those KitKats happened between 1 30 AM and 4 AM and we were very busy. No further questions. And we were very busy. We were very busy. like it. Okay. Welcome to episode 114 of the Poor Choices Show. And guess what? It's tax day. your annual reminder of how hard you worked for someone else. Well, let's make some poor choices. Subscribe. But you were so excited to try it. I don't know about excited, intrigued I think was the word. Yes, dubiously. I see the color at least. I just want to see like we're working with here. It looks like a beer. Yeah, looks like a beer. I wasn't sure if it going to be one of them. No, that I'd be a little more confident in the, uh, yeah. All right. So is today the most significant day of the year? Because it's tax day? So we're going to Tarantino this little bit and start with some, uh, this day in history first. I'm not going to give you years or anything. I'm just because I think it might be the most significant day ever. So in addition to being tax day, it's the day Abraham Lincoln died a day after being shot. It's the day, the first, the first time a telephone was installed in Summerville, Massachusetts. That's where it happened. It was the first time. uh General Electric is formed, the company. Hmm. Yeah. ah The Titanic sank. Insulin became available to people. Yeah, for the right price. The first film with sound played in New York City. okay. The first roadmap was published. Okay. Jackie Robinson became the first black professional baseball player. And the first McDonald's opened like that. That's a lot of very significant historical events on this day in addition to being tax day. Yeah, think specifically for me though it wouldn't be the most significant day. Oh, the Jackie Robinson thing? No. I would say more so like nine months before I was born was probably the most significant day because then I wouldn't. But so not for you, but in American history, I guess, like that many significant things on one day. Like I don't remember that many. Like, I know I don't ask you every week, but usually if it's significant enough, I will. And this was like too significant to even wait to ask. I'll say it is a very, Doc Times. Well no, General Electric, it's break times. I was Jackie Robinson. I feel like this racist card has slowly fallen off of me and then to you. Yeah, and I think that's because I keep trying to push it onto you. Like trying a little too hard. Well, I'll gladly accept it when it's a appropriate. Yeah. So, answer, do you think it's the most significant day? I mean, so far it's the winner. I can't, you know, we haven't had a, we've also only done Wednesdays. So there might be like a Friday out there somewhere that's just lingering. You know what I mean? Uh, I know what you mean, but that's not what I was saying. I was thinking the fact we've only been doing it two years. So it hasn't like the fri Fridays are relevant, right? It's the date, not the day. Yeah. So guess the calendar hasn't shifted enough, but I don't know how many years we'd have to do that. Right. So with a leap year is that six or eight? I guess it'd be eight. It can't be six. But then you have to do it every week. can't skip it or else we'll never know. I don't think we have. Wait, you just said I don't do it Yeah, well, but if it's significant enough I do Okay. So the ones that were in the slums, we just kept there. didn't, we didn't. They don't even matter. Yeah. Yeah. These opening questions. Oh, did you have a good transition? I thought you were going say Jackie Robinson. ah Uhhh... It was... I mean, he probably didn't know it was... Dad. But was he from the slums? Kind of like those pants pockets on the back that are just like a slit but not an actual pocket. It's just like a sewn, you know what I mean? Yeah, fun fact, I recently learned that those little pockets and jeans are for pocket watch. Yeah, never had one. I have. ah Okay, before we get into these questions, let's talk about the where and the why. Flee market off the highway in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia. It was silver with like an eagle on the outside. And it was like 10 bucks. And I said, dad, can I get this? And he said, well, you only, I'm only giving you 20. So if you want 10 of it on that, you can. I was like, okay, I want this. Any idea what you spent the other ten on? You stole that from the nursing home though, you didn't need to spend money. This was this was years later years later ah Candy or maybe like an airsoft gun or like a cheap little airsoft. So I don't know couldn't tell you I could tell you about the pocket watch but Can you, uh, okay. Yeah. Okay. I'm happy for you. Now, where is it now? And when's the last time you saw it? Oh, probably. It's gotta be 20, 25 years ago, give or take. Okay. Ish. Okay, $10, two years. That's not bad. Do this one more time. if I m yeah it's uh I don't know yet okay it's definitely not a true I'm just trying to alcohol affects you, you're going to like it more. Dislike it as much, I should say. It's definitely not a two, but I don't know if it eclipses a nine. It's just different, so I think I got to get acclimated to it. Alright, you're like a fish in an aquarium. Thanks. Uh, thanks. You know, when you buy a new fish, you've to acclimate it to the water. Yeah. The temperature. Yeah. Otherwise you shock them, right? And they die. That's right. Yeah. I've had aquariums before. I know I'm doing. Fish. All What was I doing? Oh, okay. Yeah. How about some questions? Okay. Where would be the strangest place in your house for you to find an unwrapped stick of butter? Probably like either shower or like the closet or maybe like my dresser, like inside my dresser with my clothes. Somewhere that has nothing, there's no reason any food should be inside. Like I think sitting next to the shampoo in the shower would be pretty bizarre. See, I wasn't even thinking about like a place's food has no business being, because anywhere is weird because you didn't put it there. So someone else being in your house is automatically weird. Hmm. Oh, what about, you know what? Like my gun safe. That'd be weird. I open it up and there's a stick of unwrap stick of butter. Yeah, guns still in there, but also Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That might be it. Yeah. I got a country croc in my rari. Thanks, I'm here all week. you I don't know why, because I don't even have one, but my first thought was like inside the disc tray of a DVD player, like just like smushed inside there. I mean, I could see that if you had a kid and they got a hold of the butter. Yeah, but then that wouldn't be strange. Yeah. Yeah. Also DVD player, aside from like a gaming console that has a disc reader, who's got a DVD player? yeah, I don't have one, but alright. Yeah. crazy how the technologies died. Sorry, dude. It's crazy how that technology's advanced. But we don't know if we can get to the moon though. Remember when Blu-ray was supposed to be the next greatest thing? Yeah, it was for a while. Yeah. But you had to have, it's like 4K, you had to have the TV to support it and the DVD. because I worked at Best Buy when they were like big and the first blu-ray player that we had to sell was $1,200. Damn. Yeah. So. We've had a lot of uh pre... Not shewel agreement. Uh, dang, that's another one. um call early call forwards. do we foreshadow? Ugh. Alright, well how about one more question and then we can after shadow behind back after. Sometimes. that was pre-cold. What happened? that's gonna, I can't wait to chuckle at that one editing. Is bi-weekly twice a week or every two weeks? depends on what you're referring to. the word biweekly. um Every two weeks. Okay. I concur, but how would you refer to something as twice a week without saying twice a week? Five days of the week, I don't have this thing happen. Okay. I wonder if there's an actual answer. Okay. So bot, definition of bi-weekly is done produced or occurring every two weeks or twice a week. um Either or. Same same but different. Okay. I mean, yeah, I think if someone said bi, I don't think anyone would say bi weekly, meaning twice in the same week. think they'd say twice a week, even though it still means the same as bi weekly. Cause bi weekly, if you said that to me, I'd be like, Oh, every two weeks. Got it. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Okay. Pointless question, I guess, because it's both, but at least now, if I'm ever in a situation where I need to tell you that I'm going to do something once every two weeks, I know what to say. Did you know a fortnight is two weeks? Like it's been a fortnight. That means it's been two weeks. What's 10, right? No. So, four scores seven years ago is 47? Yeah, right? We, I think we talked about that. Yeah, I think maybe on like a fourth of July podcast or something. ah No, it's 20. So 4 score equals 80 It's an archaic term for a group of 20. Damn, that's rude Yeah, right. Archaic as 1800s, you boys said. Lincoln ain't old, dude's archaic. When you say archaic, I think of like a dinosaur. like archaeologist. Ah. Mm. Yeah. Gee-bunker. Archie Manning. Arc the Herald Angels sing. Oh, it's Hark. I'll make the rules. uh The St. Yes. yeah. Well, I guess to get into some of the pre-forward before, after, whatever I said, I guess I'll preface it all with I've probably been up for, is it 6.30 now? I've been up for 18 ish hours, give or take. I fell asleep around like 10 last night and then I woke up at like 12 45 to use the bathroom and then just couldn't fall asleep and had to be up at four for work. And I just tossed and turned for those said like three hours and then went to work and worked at nine hour shift and then came home and feels a lot later than six 30. You know that Nick Bargazian, that guy? he's like, you know, when you wake up at five noon is a long way away. Yeah. It feels like it's midnight, but two days from now. yeah, okay. So this coming Sunday or three days ago when this drops, you turned 37 years old. That's what they say. So. Allegedly and we're both born in that same great year 1989 gosh darn it Hmm, so just wanted to review some prices of things and stuff the year we were born in 1989 See what inflation and the economy has done to certain everyday things and stuff These are things that are still relevant today. It's not like a like a game boy. Okay. Like exactly they're relevant, yes. Not exactly they're like a game. Got it. So let's start with the average new home, approximately, in 1989. Average new home, it's 1989. You your wife has a perm still and... Is that an 80s thing? Yeah, 80s and 90s, right? today. The Cosby showed and the Simpsons just kind of came on air and you're like, what are these things? And Roseanne screaming at John. Yeah. Uh, let's about like 85,000. You're a little under. Yeah, you're quite a bit under. Yeah, quite a bit. So I've got the average new home approximately in 1989 was around $148,000. Can we fact check that? Sure. You? Yeah, I got it. What your- uh You might be right. What did you say? In 1989, the median sales price for a new home in the United States was approximately $120 to $125. Average new home prices were slightly higher, around $148. Did I say anything different in those two sentences? Now, bizarre. Do do do, do do do, okay. How about a gas per gallon? You know, we're in the world of that's another part I want to break off of and we'll come. Do you want to repeat that sentence? Because I think you said a gas per gallon. Yep. Like I said, 18 hours. ah Let's go with, how about, how much was a gallon of gas? Okay, let's try to percentage-itize this for a dollar or ten Yep, I'll call it a dollar 12. Very good. Dozen eggs. Who are they now? I'm gonna have to look on my Instacart I want to say like three, four dollars, so maybe a dollar twenty five. Yeah, just drop the 25, about a buck. How about the median household income? oh Less women worked then, right? I don't think so. Okay, mean I think statistically because there was less women in the world, right so Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. But what does that do with the price of something in Egypt. What's that saying? What's that have to do with the price of... That's the thing. Hold on. All I know is BFE. I don't know. The price of tea in China. uh It's an idiom used to point out that a comment is completely irrelevant or non-sequit. Yeah, I'm not even going to try that one. Median household incomes. ah 85,000 140,000 Really? Okay, 48,000 You're getting closer. It's just under $29,000. Okay, that doesn't seem like it correlates with house prices, but I believe you. Tomah gun dunk. How about a new car averaging around$17,500. Your little $11,280. Good. Yeah. So 12 grand average, which nowadays could get you like... A door? a two door, a uh used Ultima like, yeah. Used 1989 cars cost more now than they did new in 1989. So I wanted to get back to the gas price thing. like, don't understand like people that complain about gas prices. I don't get it. yes, I just saw something about this recently. Okay. Is- I it was because I think their point was the price of gas in other countries. Mine isn't even that. It's more so one, what are you going to walk? Right now, I'm to go fill up my tank. Two, you're complaining about if you had a near empty tank and you had to fill it all the way up four to five dollars more than it was because gas went up 30 cents. No, no, no, no. You put I think they've been happy. of gas in your car and prices just went up 50 cents. Yeah, but I'm thinking that people were already unhappy with the fact like it that that it was over three Really like an extra $45, but I mean I get it I And I always, I always get my dad crap when I go up there because he's like, I go here because it's the cheapest in town. They're four cents cheaper. I'm like, dad. You're saving. people that do that, I can't get that. That I can't get with. Like, okay, over a year, you just saved yourself $14. Like I just don't. Yeah, there I'm with you. But what are you going to do? Not fill up your car with gas. don't pay attention to it. I don't care. I need gas. There's a gas station. I'm pulling in and getting gas. uh attention to what we're to do for you. Piss you off. I need gas, gas station, give me gas. Thank you. I had this I don't know if it was a dream or a shower thought or a poop thought or something that I was like I wonder and it wouldn't surprise me if this whole thing was not a ploy but I thought about the same thing to help boost the economy. No, not the economy. Like aggressively push the shift to electric vehicles. Could be. I doubt it though, just the way that they're depreciating. It also wouldn't surprise me. I don't see it happening. Especially especially now that I think about it with how buddy buddy Trump and Elon are Elon's like hey, man Get people to buy my car just don't see it happening. the cars were built better and there was a better infrastructure for them, I could see a push for it, but there's just... That was a Joe Biden thing, right? Build back better or something? I don't know. I didn't pay attention to that man. He didn't either. He didn't either, right? No, I just like I was watching this guy traded in his He had bought like a brand new one of those new electric uh The the humvees what they call them the new electric ones. I can crab walk and all that nonsense and ah They were like a six-figure car brand new and then now you can go get them for like 55,000 but yeah, I mean even even a Tesla a few years old Tesla with maybe 30,000 miles you've already from the sticker price is at least 20 grand less. Like they're depreciating like crazy. And it's because the companies that come out with them, well, at least Tesla is trying to bamboozle customers with anything that breaks. And after a warranty is expired and all that nonsense, they're just money hungry. I to my word, Jupiters. Yeah. Uh, okay. And I'm trying to push racism on you. But there are a couple companies out there that... You haven't seen that meme? Nope. I'm going to find it for you. There are some good companies out there that are good electric vehicles. going find it for you. Hmm. Yeah, I'm with you though. I don't, I highly doubt that's the agenda, but if it was, I wouldn't be surprised at all. Yeah. I mean, there were people out there that were like, this is basically like horse and buggy and then Ford came along and horse and buggies were overnight gone. mean. Well, while you're looking that up, the Build Back Better agenda is a comprehensive legislative framework proposed by President Biden aimed at economic recovery post COVID-19, focusing on infrastructure, clean energy, and social safety nets. I'll try to remind me after I know I sent it to Andy on Instagram. anyways, next topic. I got some Bigfoot stuff. How about some Try Not to Laugh first? My Try Not to Laugh, it's going to transition into something else. Is the Bigfoot thing about the supposed Bigfoot bones they found? ah No, but all the more reason to talk about it. So, mean, I'm not as hopeful as I was last week. Yeah, I think it goes back to that whole like a, like you watch a funny movie and you don't laugh, but if you're with someone, you laugh. think it was like having another person here in person. It was like, try not to laugh at these jokes. Did you know that half the population has a mental health disorder and the other half? Amen. It's pretty good. What was Beethoven's favorite fruit? Hmm. I don't know. The banana That's really good. I'm going to use that at work. They hate my jokes. I think I've told you this one. My ex-girlfriend had this weird fetish where she would dress up like herself and act like a b***h. You It's really funny and it reminds me of the one of the best jokes you've ever told me, which was, uh, what's the difference between chickpeas and garbanzo beans? It's one of funniest jokes I think I've ever heard. Yeah. Okay. A doctor is about to perform a prostate exam on his patient when he says, alright, it's just a medical procedure, try not to get aroused, Steve. The patient says, uh, my name's not Steve. The doctor says, I know, I'm Steve. Also, we got a couple more years we're to be hanging out with Steve. That's right. A man at a bar walks up to the bartender and says, I f***ed your mom last night. The bartender replies, shut up, Dad, I'm at work. Just when you thought food couldn't make a phone call. Boom, onion rings. Still a little blurry, but it looked like you wanted to. I thought about it. It just kind of made me hungry for some, some drinks. I this, I tried to this one without laughing. This one, I think I was pooping and I laughed out loud at this one. And I like had to think about it for a minute. How do you think the unthinkable? Do you think the unthinkable? I don't know. With an eithberg. With an eithberg? I oh think the unsinkable. All right. That was the best one. That was really good. Yeah, that was really good. You doing that? just like, I flashed back to me sitting on the toilet going, what? An iceberg. I didn't think the unthinkable. This is Mike Dyson telling you the truth. Shout out to the Titanic sinking however many years ago this day Yeah, in 1912. There it is. Bam. What's the oldest wine in Australia? an 1812 Perthian Rift Nope, it's give my land back. The Australians are whining give me my land back. but they took it from the indigenous people. I don't know, it was an Australian page that I heard tell it, so I was hoping that you would be a little more familiar with the history of Australia for that to be funny for you. was very similar to the US. There was an indigenous people that then got colonized. Yeah, so that makes sense. That's the oldest wine. So the indigenous people were saying that to the... I guess the same answer, just not with the accent. tried to give it. Gotcha, gotcha, get my wine back. Gotcha, gotcha, okay, got it. I guess they just had the accent because they are Australian? Yeah. Yeah, but they're indigenous people look more like, anyway. Where do Iranians go when they die? Um, I don't know. everywhere. I thought you were just going to I thought it was going to be one of those like, heaven, you racist, whatever. OK. What does the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common? I see dead people. uh Are you smart or have you heard that one? uh Movie smart. Okay. So the Masters is coming up and it's being sponsored by Mercedes-Benz, which is ironic because the difference between a golf ball and a Mercedes-Benz is that Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 300 yards without hitting a tree. He hit a trailer first off. not been any trees. So did you follow or watch any of that? And if it's body cam footage or like the details about it or like? Yeah. Okay. I did. Definitely on something. yeah, a hundred percent. That's why he was like, yeah, I'll blow, but I won't pee. I at first gave him the benefit of the doubt. was like, dude, just flipped a car. He's shaken up, adrenaline, all that. Now. And then you saw him ET in the backseat of the cop car and you were like, Yeah, dudes. Yeah. And then they're pulling out his golf clubs out of like the broken back windshield. He's like, man, this is a piece of history, huh? I'm like, Hmm. Yup. It's a, it's a arrested piece of history. My thing with him is like just hire a driver, dude. Like you have. you mean a catty? You have hundreds of millions of dollars at your disposal. Just buy yourself a Rolls, sit in the back with your little star ceiling, and have someone drive you around, Jesus. You know better than me. Pay the dude a hundred grand a year. Here, drive me around. I'll do it, tiger. Come in the tundra. Come on in, Yeah, heat in cooled seats. Come on, I bought that little box where you can watch Netflix on the screen. Come on. I think it needs a mini bar more than that. I can get myself a little Yeti. So that's my transition into the masters coming up. Hell yeah, brother. ah it'll have happened pre this coming out, but it hasn't happened yet. Correct. Correct. Uh, but being the, uh, golf fanatic aficionado, et cetera, you are, I wanted to see if you know the 15 things that each master's champion receives. I could give you two. Trophy and a green jacket. Are you a fake fan? 15 things. Yeah, think about it. You know, you know more than that. OK, so let's let's we'll start. You said the green jacket. ah I also didn't know that, what did it say here? Every champion gets a jacket. ah They can take it home for a year, but then it remains on site. Yeah, they display them. They get a trophy that's like the shape of like, I don't know, it's like the clubhouse or some weird like hut. So they get a replica of the trophy. Winners get a small replica of the Clubhouse trophy. It's roughly 40 % of the size of the original. They get obviously the first place out of the prize purse. I'm assuming that's this one. They get 3.6 million the prize fund for the 2024 Masters was 20 I don't know if this is an old post but yes, so they get money Do they get a guaranteed spot in the next year's Masters? Is that one of them? Like they don't have to qualify or do anything? Okay. Different things here. Yeah. So they get a lifetime invitation to the masters when the master and what when the masters once and you receive that famous invitation for the rest of your days. Do they get a lifetime membership to Augusta? Because to be a member there is like, shit, get into Fort Knox. They get a honorary membership to Augusta. Players are officially members of the club and can return whenever they like and bring guests. Aside from that, man, I don't know, they get their name somewhere. Okay, so they get their name engraved on the Masters trophy, not the trophy itself. It stays at Augusta year round. First given to Arnold Palmer, the trophy is a replica of the Augusta Clubhouse made from 900 separate pieces of silver. Each winner's name is added to the silver band on the base. I got, I don't know after that, I don't know, some teas. That's pretty good. Kinda. So they get, they get a special tea time. It says each year, every past masters champion is allowed to bring a guest to play on the Sunday before the masters. Okay. don't, again, I don't know how old this post is this year. Scotty Scheffler enjoyed a round at Augusta with his mom. so they also get a master's gold medal. It says older than the tradition of the trophy. or the green jacket. The gold medal dates back to the original masters in 1934. It's a three and a half inch metal featuring a raised image at the clubhouse. They also get a gold locket. Did you know that? They get an invitation to the champions dinner. They get a locker in the champions locker room. I probably should have got that one. Okay. Uh, champions only range. that just the driving range? Yeah, they probably get like a VIP section for them. Okay. So yes, past winners have access to the members range during masters week while all other participants use the flashy tournament practice facility. The champions range isn't longer fancy, but does offer privacy to past winners. Okay. you said the invitation, they get a lot of points. It says, I don't know what that means. A hundred O W G R points. So it's kind of like, like hockey or like soccer. Like if you win a match, you get points. And at the end of the year, the team with the most points wins. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So what do you want in golf is winning the masters bigger than whatever you win at the end of the year. It's the most prestigious tournament of the year. um But no, you also, if you are the top So like overall at the end of the year thing called. I think it's the FedEx Cup. ah gonna go with no because it says they also get 750 FedEx cup points so whatever the OWGR is I guess that's the Because it says they get a hundred OWGR points It's the official golf, it's the official world golf ranking. so it's like chess, like your chess score. bumps you up to be the number one player in golf kind of thing. uh Yeah. They also get a five year major exemption when the master's in 2025 and you're automatically qualified for every major through 2030. Okay. And they get a five year PGA tour exemption. But you're also not winning the Masters and not already qualifying for Yeah. Okay. ah And I said the, yeah, five year PGA tour exemption and then the specialty time. that's it. I think you you did good. Cause some of the stuff isn't like physical things you get. They also never display like, here's the gold locket for Scottie Scheffler. Yeah, it probably comes in the mail after. Yeah. Tmoo. Yeah. It says mass does and it's like masterpiece. But it's like Tee-moo like T-E-E like a golf. Yeah. Okay. Tried. I what I could laddie. I have a throwback if you want to do it. I never don't not pre-force. I think it was after three episodes ago, maybe two, maybe two, maybe four. I'm not sure. We played a little game and the game was called Who Am I? You remember that game? Guess who? Yes. And you finally got me. was Abraham Lincoln. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Who am I game is when I like described someone like that time we talked about Walter White and then the next thing we did was who am I? And it was Walter White. Remember that? I don't remember much, but I remember that. So David, I want you to guess who I am. Don't we both do that? yeah. Come up with a, no, you, it was just you. You're right. You were Tony the tiger. Yeah, because there's tigers in Africa. That's right, you gave me bad glues. Yeah, only one Yeah, a big one. All right. Yeah. So I gotta think of someone? Anything, fiction, non-fiction, uh realistic, Darth Vader, don't matter. Anything in the world. All right, Dave, we're going to play Guess Who. Okay. You can go first. And they're yes or no questions, right? ah Is your person a male? Yes. Is your person real? No. Like fiction, nonfiction? Uh, no. Does your person wear glasses? No. Is your person a female? Okay. Does your person have facial hair? Hmm, technically no. I'm gonna say no. Um, let's see. Is your person from a movie? Yeah. Okay. Is your person fiction? Yes. Does your person have powers? ah Abilities? No. I don't l-uh, well, before I- Oh, questionable abilities. Okay. Does your person have dark hair? No. Is your person considered a superhero? No. Does your person have blonde hair? No. So. Is your person a cartoon? Okay, or animated? No. ah I hate to waste a question. Is your person bald? No. Not. Is your person an adult? Yes. Okay. Adult male from a movie. Not sure if they had superpowers at first, but now we know they don't. I want to be that guy that wastes a fourth question on hair. ah You said they are fictional. Is your person animated? Yeah. Is yours played by, let's say, a famous actor? I don't think so. No. Ooh, okay. Does your person have red hair? Yes, I say orange, but red. Okay. I think I- I think I know it. Wait, uh, no, hold on. I don't like your facial hair response. Is your person wear glasses? thought you might be playing that. Well mine does game. Okay. Your person from a TV show. Animated TV show. All right. Is your I already asked if they're human or human. Did I? I don't know. your person human? You gotta write this stuff down. No. Thank you for saying did you cause that. And it's not animated. What does that work? Okay. Okay. Did I ask you if they were human? oh Is your person human? Okay, nope that ain't it. That's red not orange. It's not animated but not human. Is yours an animal? Yeah, uh... I wonder if it's a real animal. No. ah figured it could be like, like one of them, like Shiloh or like Wishbone or something. Yeah. I don't know how to answer. I'm going go with no, I'm going go with no. I don't care what that has to do with the price of tigers in Africa. Okay, got it. Is yours an animal? Yes. Does this movie have a sequel? Yeah. I asked if your person was from a movie. Did I? I don't know. Hmm. So no. There is a sequel? Yes. I'll have to ask if it's a movie. My next question. Okay. It's like Twin Peaks or the Twin Peaks that was like a spin off of Twin Peaks. I love Twin Peaks. The restaurant and the show. Yeah. Is your... Ah, person's out the window, isn't it? No, I'm just thinking, but you said animated, right? Is your character a cat? Not. Okay. Is yours from a movie? Let me piss when I re-listen to this and I already asked that. I feel like I should ask another question just to give you a thing. Does your character love lasagna? No. Got you. What? Got you. Wait, was yours an animal? I can't remember. No, no, no, yes, but no and also not animated. Correct. Which knowing what it is I feel like should help a lot, understanding that not knowing what it is makes- No. You're going to be Jake Sully from Avatar. okay. animal, but not, right? Yeah. I thought I had that. Is your character from... Kids Show? Yeah, I don't like this. Let's see, let's see, let's see. Doesn't have powers. It's an animal, but it's not. Is your character green? Oh, okay. Does your character walk on two legs? No. Is yours, does yours talk? Like does it like speak like English? It talks. No, it's gonna be my question That was gonna be my question Does your character talk like speaks actual words? Yeah, like English. Happy got you. is that? No, because that wouldn't be. ah Doesn't doesn't speak. It's kind of human, but not really. It's a guy. But yeah, I said, is it an animal? And you're like, no, not really, but kind of. Yeah, I said that to animal, not to human. Oh, it's in a movie that has a sequel. um Shoot, character made of wood? No. Where were you going with that? Groot. ah Although he does speak. am Groot. Yeah. yeah. I can't get Garfield out of my head. I can't get Garfield out of my head. He's got his lasagna. John's in the kitchen with Odie. That's all I got. Part of it? No, that was just Garfield song that I just made up. It's not real. Get this guy a record deal. That's right. trying to- I- Uh, was- oh Was your character popular I think maybe pre 90s No. Is your character's movie a comedy? No. Okay. Okay. Oh, no, he's not green. Okay. Is your character from a show made after 2000? I'm gonna have to fat check it. That'll limit it to 90, guess. No. It released before 2000. and not popular pre 90s. So in the 90s. I need to have like chat GPT in my ear and he'd be like, Oh, he's this person. um Does your character have dark hair? Okay. no, it's a guy. It's like, you're to be the girl from the ring. You thought she was kind of animal? Yeah, I she's not. yeah. Well, dark hair. I got that out of it, anyways. Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm start giving you a quota. But I need, you know what I need is just a bag of quarters. Yeah. Just put it in a jar and then save up for a, I don't know. Oh yeah. ice cream and onion rings. Sounds good. French fries and onion rings. ah So it's from a show that aired in the 90s. Orange cat, two legs, talks. So you said, it walk on two legs? And I said, no. you said no. Scroll back through. But it is, you said it is orange. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, English. It's not Japanese. Not Garfield. Does your, how do I ask this, does your character have a, like a partner or a wingman or like a best friend or something in the show? Yes. Yeah. Is yours, wait, are you using chat GPT? that what's happening right now? Is yours? So can remember things like, did I ask if he was in a movie or not? Does yours walk around four legs? No. I'm so lost. ah Is your is your character's, uh, little wingman thing human? No. Hmm. Does your thing with dark hair. Is it the, is it a villain or evil or bad in the movies? ah Okay. Ha. I have no idea where to go with this. Is your character's best friend a dog? Okay, I think we might be getting somewhere. Well, that might be a technicality. Okay. Is yours from Harry Potter? No, I'm pretty confident in all the responses I've given you, not like my Tony the tiger. Is you. I think I, I think I do, but there's one thing throwing me off. Your character attached to his best friend. Okay. So when you asked, is your character a cat, I went, yeah. Okay. So the technicality that I'm thinking, well, we'll get there and we'll get there. Yeah. You got another guess. Uh, as your thing, fricking Chewbacca? don't know. Wait! It is Chewbacca now. I think that means you win. Because I wanted to be clear of the technicalities. That was from the deepest depths of left field that I've ever seen in my life. Oh my gosh. I'm going to take an asterisk with a tie though, because I was going to ask if it's cat and I wanted clarity because you said it walks on four legs, but only two of those are his. the character walks on four legs. Yeah, but the character is cat dog, not cat. That's why I went, yeah. But you took it as like a yes, it is a cat. I'm thinking, no, no, no, not that the walks on two legs thing because. Ah, nah, he walks on He walks on two, Dahl walks on two, and they walk on four. They share, so they're one unit. No, dog can't move cat's legs. That sentence out of context is hilarious. We got to post that one on that that subreddit the brand new sentence Dog can't move cat's legs and cat can't move dog's legs. I'll give you the dub, but I'm not happy about it. How about that? I am bamboozled. Dude, I don't even know where. Wow. Chewbacca cannot speak galactic basic English because his vocal cords are not designed for it. That was the last thing I had to Google about Chewbacca. Sound like Lord Schwarzenegger. Unbelievable. I'll save my last one that I have in my list because you'll get that person pretty quick, think. But animal. Yeah. uh I guess we could talk about Bigfoot next week. You want to play the little game? Game. Guess the movie. no, we can do it. I just, let me grab a beer first. Yeah. All right, David, we're to play a little game. Can you guess the movie from the word? Is this image related? It all makes sense here very shortly because the first... I think I get it. just didn't know if you were going to like say one word from a quote. er, no, no, no, from the image. Coming in, hotter than a sun. Bam. Uh, okay, first one. Uh, liar, liar. that was easy. I don't know what else it would be. think there's a couple in here that you probably won't get. I have two more that I know you've seen and then the out of the other two, one I think you've seen and then one you, it's gonna be a maybe. Let me send the maybe first so we can get out of the way. Next image. I want to say yes Hmm? Okay. Tell me this, is that the whole word? yes, but there's another word that's, there's another word before it that's not in it. you're so close. Yeah. I've seen it, I can't, I don't know if I'm gonna get there. Okay, it's shoot. Shoot her. Shoot her. Shoot her. Shoot her. This is the one that I didn't think you were going to get. let's see. Johnny Depp. ah Is it a secret window? It is! Holy sh- You seen Secret Window? Yeah, that's a great movie. It's a weird movie, but it's watch. It's a good watch. eh Wow. OK. I am a pleasantly surprised. OK, that was like the one I was like, ain't going to get this. I thought you said you sounded the maybe first. That was the maybe. Oh, OK. This is another you've seen it, but we'll see. Up. It's not from the movie up. Uhhhh... Up, up. Up, up, up, up. And then he looks up and boom. I'm pretty, pretty positive. I don't think anyone hasn't seen it. No, it's not animated. It's a superhero movie, but I'm pretty sure you've seen it. Superhero without superpowers, technically. Batman? Yeah. So it's the dark night when like the judge opens a letter and it says up and he looks up and then. When he's killing all the- once and it was one of the first movies that I downloaded in 1080 while it was still in theaters and I thought that was the coolest thing. But I thought yeah so I thought that was Etch telling Woody to look up. No. All right. I got another one coming in. Next one. I know you've seen this. Don't... STO- Believe it. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Where are you these pictures from? They're... not good. zoomed in. Don't, don't, don't. I need context. Uh, maybe another word? It's on there. Uh, the next word is incriminate. Don't incriminate. And you know I've seen it? Is it animated? It kind of looks animated though, but no. that's why I was wondering where you get these pictures. All right, help get me there.$30,000, $30,000 in sides? Hello? Were they cure cancer? The sides did in fact cure cancer. Such a funny scene. with me. Scary movie? I don't think I've seen it dude. They toss midgets. ah I don't think I'm going to get there. Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill. You show me a check for $70,000 right now and I'll quit my job. Leo and Jonah? For Wall Street. you go. And the letter says, don't incriminate yourself. I'm wearing a wire. Okay. Yeah, it's another one I've only seen once. Yeah. Dude. All right. The final one guaranteed scene. Oh, that's not that Next one. I poured my pregame beer into my beer. That's gonna taste different. I mean. Dip. Yeah. No. It's one movie you've heard the word dip in. Honestly, the only thing in my head right now is put your head up on my head. I dip you dip we dip. It's part of a five step program. okay. when he's got it written on the cardboard. So dodge ball, but it's weird that you said five step program and I immediately went to like the steps of alcohol recovery, but simultaneously thought dodge ball. I mean, he does drink a lot of Budweiser in that movie. So I think you did pretty good. I can't believe you got secret window. That's immaculate. Yeah, that's... oof, have been a hot minute since I've seen that one. That's a good one. flick. Might turn that guy on tonight. We'll see. We'll see. uh From who? it's just called from and. Is that like Victor Crum's cousin? Frum. No, it's F R O And funny enough, so I came across this Instagram post that was like, uh, it was like thriller or like plot twist movies or like crazy mind movies. Okay. Like that you need to, like lesser known that you need to watch. And one of them, I can't, I don't even remember what it was, but it said it was on prime. So I like went over to prime. You know how, like when you go to the apps, it always has like, like something pops up that it's like, this is what we're showcasing. Yeah, yeah. So I went to go watch whatever I was going to watch and then from was on there and I was like, this looks interesting. And I saw it was it said it was like from the creators of lost. And I was like, yeah, let's do it. I don't know if it's really your cup of tea, but thought about. rewatching lost to be honest I hope you have like eight months, but from so far so good. no, it's a TV show. It's about this like little town, like very, very little town. That's like a haunted town. And when you, it's haunted in a sense that like, when it gets dark, these like things come out of like the woods. And they look like people, but they're like demons. like the opening scene is like this little girl, like here's like a knock on her window and opens it. And it's like this like floating ghost and it's like, I'm your grandmother, let me in. And her mom comes and she's like, Hey, don't let her in. And the little girl opens the window and like the ghost like comes, it's like a demon that just like rips her body to shred. But it's so that's it's haunted. Oh, go ahead. The first post I Googled from TV show and it like a picture of like the cover art they put on. Then next to it is a Reddit post that's like, this show is bad, right? Bad in what way? Like not good? Okay. I mean, I'm on like four episodes and I don't, mean, it's. Go to 7-8. That's okay. It's okay for TV. I think it's worth a watch and it's it follows. So that's, that's the town. That's how it's haunted. And basically if you end up in the town, you can't leave. That's how it is. So it like follows his family. I don't even know where they're on their way to, but they like find a, like a down tree in the road, which I guess is what everybody sees when they're about to come into the town. And then they go into the town. And he asks the sheriff who's like the other main character. He's like, Hey, how do I get back onto the highway? And the sheriff, like knowing that he's not going to be able to get out. was like, you just follow this road and they follow that road and they go straight and they don't take any turns or anything. And they come back into the town and then they keep going and they do it again and they come back and like, there's no. Yeah, maybe, I don't know. It's pretty good. I recommend it. What was that show, that under the dome thing in the mountains? Paradise? Yeah, so season two just ended. Just end it, okay. Did you watch it? Yeah. Yeah. And how was it? was watching it week to week. uh started off a little slow, but I also don't know if that's because I was watching it week to week. Where like the first one I just binged, so I was like, hell yeah. So I think if I binge the second season, I'd probably feel the same way. Was it as like, cause season one was very enticing cause they leave a lot of loose ends and openness, which season ones of a lot of shows do, but then season two hits and you're like, No, it was, it's good. It's not like severance. So like they, answer questions and present new questions and then it like didn't. presents another 10 million questions. Uh, they did. Well, not that many, but they also answered. Yeah. But they answered. it wasn't like compounding questions like severances. was like, Hey, we answered this, but at the same time now there's this. So it's good. Take a gander. Good, it's good. You want to hear about my beer before Reddit? All right. So it looks a little different now because like I said, I poured my pregame beer into it. But this week from. Brewery company. I had to make sure you didn't think I said like Cox or something in collaboration with little house brewing. on the prayer? I have chips and dip. Mmm. Okay, like it could be one of those like like a mango jalapeno margarita kind of thing like It's a sour ale brewed with mango, hot peppers, key lime, lime zest, tortilla chips, and sea salt. Okay, so in theory I would also think, yeah, this is going to be delicious, but it could be. Or I see what you mean. And? Is it spicy? Yeah, that like, like when you think you're done your sip, it like It's still biting your tongue a little bit. Yeah. Okay. Not like really bad, and it's really flavorful. Is it like a zesty, limey flavorful? Yeah, hence the lime zest that it's burned with Sorry, I cursed. don't know if I can nine it though. you can eight five. You can. mean, eight and above, you're going to. I mean, it's really good, but let me tell you oh a little bit about my bias here because I went to Total Wine today and this is what I pre-gamed with. So it's like, I set the standard pre-gaming. And now it's mixed. Yeah. Well, it was like a tiny bit. I think I'll give it an eight, nine. Yeah, okay. That'd be one I'd be intrigued to taste. Well, if you didn't bail on me for my birthday again this year... Listen, I'm listening. monies. Yeah. Working man. If your birthday was the following weekend, I'd be all right because I'm playing golf to golf tournament Saturday. But then I could. We don't have to celebrate it on the day. No, I just thought about it. can't. uh Alright, well what are you drinking? Right now I'm drinking a raspberry high noon one of the best flavors out there before that it was a pomfret mousse and Tito's. Okay. How you doing? Figured he would've just went to Sam's Club and like bulk bought Kiwi. I gotta go I gotta oh, there's only one liquor store near me that has this specific variety pack Okay, there's other places that have it that aren't as close. So I always go to them and get my my teats and my Noons my new I was like, where are we going? uh You can buy, oh wow, the price is locked. How many come in a case? This one is 12, it's 12 pack. Three per case of each flavor. So it doesn't give me the price. You probably got to like register or something, but if you go to epalat.com, you can buy pallets of a hundred cases. For what? two grand? Three grand? uh know. I gotta create an account to... Again, like a 12 pack they're selling for probably it's probably like 20 something bucks a pop, but you're getting health care probably. let's say 15 to 18 bucks. You're spending two. 24 packs of 12 ounces, so it's a hundred twenty four packs Oh my god, 2400. Kiwi high noon. Delivered price just has like a lock under it. So I can't see. It's got to be at least two grand. I'm about to pull a Kit Kat and show up to that place. Feels to some pallets. have to release an official statement that says, we had nothing to do with that heist, but every episode from here on out will feature LeCroy. There it is. No, high noon. Uh, I looked up La Croix. no, Kiwi was the high noon. Oh. I'm sure that's possible too. It's too difficult. Okay. So this week on my Ask Reddit, have what's socially accepted that you personally think is insane. That's a good one. Mine is like, made plans to be with somebody or like you're in a conversation with someone, but they just like phone and scroll. Like when I'm at Panera and there's like people sitting at a table, like just like a couple and they're both just facing the screen. I'm like, ugh. Yeah I can understand looking at your phone and, like, just, just, just, it's gross. Yeah, okay. I'm with that, I've got the massive cost for funerals and the fact that grieving families expect to provide food for like a hundred people. What? The massive cost for a funeral and the fact that grieving families are expected to provide food for like a hundred people. I'm trying to go to one of those funerals. Like, you know, you after the funeral and then you go back to said person's house and they have stuff going on. we did go to We went to the Elks. Going to work while actually sick and contagious. What was the question? of what's socially accepted that you personally think is insane. I don't think it's socially accepted. I think that's cancerous workplace culture where you as an employee are forced to feel, not forced, but you feel like if you call out, there's going to be repercussions. you're, yeah. Yep. Filming kids most vulnerable moments and posting it online for content. Child beauty patents. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like that. that in the US at least, your health insurance is tied to your employment. Yeah. I mean, I get no, like you don't have to be employed. That's just how you get it affordably. So yeah. Speaking of which, I got a collection notice from, uh, like in September. So we had some like gastro appointment and I don't remember ever getting a bill for it. And yes, yesterday, two days ago, it was like so-and-so law firm, something in the mail. And I'm like, who's suing us now? So I. I've been, for like, when did I dislocate and break my toes? October. I've been like, ever since then avoiding this company that keeps sending me this bill for my boot that when I went to urgent care, they were like, it's covered and here you go. And like, they didn't charge me anything. And now the company of the boot is like, Hey, pay us 200 bucks. Yeah. So I haven't. Yeah. that I do the same, but the fact that it was like a law firm, I was like, maybe I should open this. Yeah. If it gets to that point, I'll pay it. But right now I just keep getting like 1-800 calls and voicemails, letters in the mail. Nah, you're fine. no, so I, because I was like, I don't want to send a check in. So I like went to their website and there was like a pay online thing. And I was like, eh, so I called and I was like, Hey, can I use your pay online portal to pay a collection notice? And she was like, yeah, I could just do it for you here. And I was like, Oh yeah, let's do that. I was like, don't ever remember seeing a bill for this. And she was like, yeah, a lot of people that call say that I think the, the, like the doctor, whoever just doesn't even send the bill and they just send it straight to us to make sure people pay. I've got uh celebrity worship Now that's on the individual. Talking on your phone when it's on speaker in public. god's sake, just put the phone to your ear. All those reality shows that just promote behavior like the Kardashians or Jersey Shore. See, those shows make me feel better about myself. They don't make me want to do what they're doing. Yeah Hold on speaking of which let me find this thing. I don't think I've talked about it before I've seen it before but I don't think I ever brought it up. Let me find So if the 1970 bills had scored a touchdown Kim Kardashian wouldn't be famous did I ever tell you that? The Buffalo Bills barely lost the game in 1970 by missing on a bad pass for a touchdown that loss allowed them to get the first pick in the draft OJ Simpson OJ stays in Buffalo for a while, meets his wife and then allegedly kills her, then hiring Kardashian's father to be his lawyer. They win the case, making the Kardashian somewhat famous. Then Kim drops the sex tape, becomes famous. So because of that missed touchdown, Kim Kardashian is famous. That's wild. Crazy. would like to hear other stories that are like that, like people that aren't famous that- Yeah. Then why are you- Yeah. Expecting 16, 17, 18 year olds to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives and sign off on a loan debt before their frontal lobes are even developed. To be clear, I'm not anti-college education, though I do have some bones to pick with the way our education system works. But it's just crazy to me to expect and encourage such an important decision from a teenager. I'll be honest, we've been asking and expecting those decisions, not just college related, for... I mean, go back 200 years ago, 18 year old. My biggest gripe with that is that you can tell a dude, hey, go to Iraq, fight a war, people, but when you come back, you can't have a beer. Yep. Yep. Yep. Or purchase a handgun. Yeah. Yeah. Even though you're going to carry one when you're over there. for four years, two and a half. Working five days a week to enjoy two and calling it normal is what it is system we live in, Yeah. Recording strangers in public, US tipping culture, scrolling on your phone while hanging out with someone. there you go. Using AI to do all your work. Arguing with somebody over social media. Elders must be respected at all times. Fashion models under the age of 18. Sleeping in. fashion model saying is that legal what kind of fashion European. Say less. Okay. My first thought was like jeans commercials. I'm like, yeah, but that's I mean you got to show them what it looks like, right? Reporting wealth while there's literally people sleeping on sidewalks, treating those who battle mental illness like they're somehow contagious, smoking, boiling creatures alive before eating them. You never have Maryland blue crab. uh I don't want to offend anyone, but my answer is religion. That's what it says. Oh, okay. Organized religion gives God a bad name. Introverts being scolded for being quiet. circumcision. That's a big one. My first thought when you said that was, it's not his fault he can't read. Let's see, do one more. Working your body and life away for maybe a couple years of freedom. Hashtag Tax Day. Bam, just paid Uncle Sam all my money. I got this great bonus check and then I did my taxes and went, bye. See you later. Here we go. We got to start that LLC and I got to give you a class on that, which, which I think I did last year. You could have done it last week, David. And we'll have to do it like on like a, like a Sunday morning. ah Just basically you start an LLC and you can like write off, like I lowered my tax school, taxical, my taxable income by like 30 grand by a doing itemized deductions and be having an LLC and just writing stuff off. Like, why'd you buy this for the business? Okay. And then maybe see, maybe I go to somebody instead of just going, TurboTax, here you go. No, go to TurboTax, just do itemized deductions instead of taking the standard deduction. Go to me, say, let's do our taxes this weekend. And I go, OK. Yeah. All right. Deal. I'm just going to, we'll make it happen, Kaepern. Next year, next year. Do you remember what my answer was for your Ask Reddit? It was... No. Yeah, I do remember that. Just had to be reminded. Story of my life. And this week, my Ask Reddit is OnlyFans creators, what's a request that caught you completely off guard? Okay, well I can't answer this one, although I do have several fans, so it's not just only. Christmas? Well, I got you one and then the whole- yeah. Yeah. I was paid 2 grand for a 30 minute video chat in which I had to dress like the guy's mom and tell him I was proud of him while he told me about the small accomplishments of his week, one of them being successfully making an omelette. Dude, I'm about to sign up for OnlyFans. Pay me? I'll do that for two grand. Someone joined just to ask me if they can show me their Minecraft world. Again, sign me up. What am I doing? Probably the funniest one, a guy asked me to send voice notes pretending I was their GPS. At the roundabout, take the second exit. the shaft. Proceed as scheduled. This one's good. Can you please put your clothes on and refund me dude commented on it and said post nut clarity Yeah, facts. Damn. Do a video, but direct it like David Lynch, like masturbate David Lynch style. So far as the winner, that's weird. You who David Lynch is? Do know what he directed? I foreshadowed earlier, if that helps. Star Wars. No, it's George Lucas. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, A straight story, an elephant man. It's going to be some weird jerk and we're finger around on what she, what he's into or she's into. The request that caught me off guard was specifically G-rated story about a wholesome family with a dominant mother slash wife. There was no sex, just wholesome control. Again, I'll do that for a little 30 minute vid, couple thou. one guy who wanted to pay me big bucks to wear a wetsuit and play in literal mud puddles. That's it. No physical contact or anything. I'll do that. I got mud. One girl I knew started an OnlyFans with slightly racy cosplay and lingerie shoots mostly. About a year or so into it, just got a request from a guy to play League of Legends with him. me feel bad for society. Not like in like I feel bad for you way but like you know what I mean? I get it. Yeah. Guy paid me just to hear me breathe for 20 minutes. Easiest 50 bucks of my life. be retired. I do that all day. Okay. For a while I was a casual partner of a creator. We had just straight sex many times, faceless. A rich couple of her subscribers asked us if we can come to their wedding after party and have sex in front of everyone during night for genuinely good money. It was not a sex party. They just wanted us as background decor so people in the party would be able to watch us and give instructions. One of the, I didn't write it down, but like, it's funny. One of the comments on this is like, man, it blows my mind how like, you know, Johnny over here is like wondering how he's going to scavenge together 800 bucks to pay his rent. While this other dude over here is paying 15 grand for someone to a jar and mail it to him. oh First name Jeffrey. Yeah. Okay. One guy asked me to smother the sole of my foot in Nutella once. It's a waste of Nutella. Come on, Yeah. friend told me about a request she got asking her to verbally abuse specific vegetables. You bruised ass banana. That's a fruit. Oh. You unripe uh also a fruit? We talked about that somewhat recently, no? You undersized carrot. Yeah. That's a baby carrot. I think I gotcha Nope. Pee lives. Okay. Yes. oh you to tell me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear these birthday people. Emma Watson. Leonardo da Vinci. Oh, painting. Chris. Oh, Gun. ah Antonio Cramardi. of football. I like that. I should have said black, No. There was a better answer for that. Uh, would have been better. Let me just read you a little thing here. you like my Emma Thompson? Cause Tommy gun Tom sin. ah okay, okay. So Antonio Cromartie, former NFL cornerback, widely known for having 14 children with multiple women. I didn't know that. Really? Yeah. It's like a Tyree Kale senior. I wanna say... Hold on. 14 children with 8 women. Despite reportedly undergoing a vasectomy, he and his wife welcomed more children, uh defying expectations. Sounds like the doctor missed. under underwent of a second main 2011 fathered three additional children. Yeah, the doctor said, yeah, you're good, Yeah. dumb. Amish just said, it's birthday today. But he did go to Lincoln High School, who also died today. Oh, see? Same same, but different. Happy Titanic Remembrance Day, That Sucks Day, Tax Day, Take a Wild Guest Day, uh One Day Without Shoes Day, Laundry Day, uh Spiral Ham Day, ASL Day, uh I was going with like. H sex location? Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, it's American Sign Language. I'm from USA, which. You should watch that DTF show on H. all right, about like gay boys Yeah, kinda. Yeah, you'll get there when you get there. McDonald's day, Jackie Robinson day, income tax pay day, banana day, and anime day. I get it. I was going with, was trying to transition your earlier statement of child support because sports kids are basically kids on child support without the actual court ruling it because they're losers, live in their basement. They get supplied food, drinks, entertainment, and probably acne cream from their parents. um Yeah. So the cog's turnin'. No, I was uh trying to look at my noise floor. I won't get into that. Yeah, don't. Yeah. Shooom! My floor makes noise in certain spots. Yeah, same. Like there's certain spots, like I just had a guy move in underneath me and I'm like, there's like spots that I'm like, try to avoid. Cause it's like, I know that dude's like, what's that guy doing up there? Sometimes at 4 a.m. know, what do you think he thinks you're doing? walking. ah So it's just one of those. So he doesn't wonder I wonder what that guy's doing up there It's just one of those like spots. Well, It happens with old age. The house not... uh